Ten years after his death, we share thoughts and feelings and memories from family, friends and teachers of Oscar - the boy who gave our charity its name and its soul.
Mum, Marie
10 years ago I held my boy close as he drew his last breath on earth. The pain is still as raw as ever and this week I have struggled and found myself unable to concentrate, a constant knot in my stomach and with a feeling of not really being here. I am fortunate to have people around me who have sent me memories of Oscar – great memories and stories of the undeniably strong and fun character that he was. All that he could still be but never will again is something we live with every day. I will leave it to friends and family to tell some of the stories here and only say: Oscar, my beautiful boy, my love, my joy, you will never be forgotten and you will keep inspiring people in this world forever – just as it should be for a boy like you.
Younger brother, Lucas
I was only 4 when Oscar died and, apart from him always wanting to play with me, my biggest memory that I still love today and that I also started to do myself with Milo was when he would trick me into giving him a hug by putting out his arms wide and saying, “No hugs for Oscar, no hugs for Oscar” and of course I couldn’t help but run into his arms thinking I was the one tricking him.
Hugs with Oscar was the best.
Older brother, Sebastian
Today marks 10 years since I lost Oscar, my younger brother and best friend. This in itself is a big anniversary, but it also marks the fact that I have now lived longer without Oscar in my life than I got to live with him in it. This pain is indescribable. Knowing I have managed to survive without him and carry on enjoying life hurts more than I can explain.
I had a great 9 years with Oscar by my side, but over these past 10 years, however selfish, I’ve been fixated on all that I’ve missed out on with him. Parents leave us too soon, spouses come too late, but siblings are supposed to go through life together. Yet, I never got to celebrate him turning 18. I will never have a pint with him or go out partying. I will never see him grow up into the great man he was going to be. He won’t be standing next to me at my wedding as my best man. He will never meet my kids. My kids will never meet their uncle. These are the things that hurt me to the core and things that I don’t think people think of when I tell them I’ve lost Oscar, and yet I think about these nearly every single day.
I miss him everyday and wish my life was different and he was still a part of it. Everything I do in life is to make him proud and I try to live my life to the fullest because he had his taken away from him too soon.
Dad, Ian (posthumously taken from his speech at Oscar’s funeral)
Oscar’s character and personality carried him through his illness with dignity and strength. He had many other sides, most of which he showed us in his modest, and sometimes shy, approach. Once, when competing in a tennis match with a child who wasn’t as strong or as skilled, he gently hit the ball making sure they had every chance to hit it back and enjoy the game. A mature act of kindness
which made us very proud. He was thrilled to play tennis at the Yorkshire Regional centre and proud to train with the Leeds United coaches – despite obvious allegiances.
Yet, despite his achievements, his simplest happiness was to play with his family and friends, or to kick or hit a ball against a wall, or beat his latest keepy-uppy record. It is the simplest things we’ll miss most about our beautiful son.
To Seb and Lucas: Oscar loved you. He was your best friend, your most competitive team mate and your greatest ally and defender in all of the mischief you got up to. Remember his big smile and hearty laughter and he will be in your hearts forever. Keep close to you Oscar’s thirst for adventure, his courage and determination and you will live a full life.
Mormor and Morfar
Dear Oscar, we think of you every day and often talk about the great times we spend together here in Gilleleje where you spent all your summers. How can we forget about being woken up by a tennis ball banging on the wall to our bedroom from outside at 6am in the morning, because your love for the game overshadowed the need for sleep (including our sleep) and then demanding porridge as soon as you got us up.
Or the game we played every night before bedtime with you and Seb where our bed became the spaceship which took us all over the world with you begging Mormor to tell stories of far away lands dubbing us: Seb the Clever, Oscar the Strong, The Queen Mother and hilariously Morfar was “Tykkemanden” (The Chubby Man). You always wanted to play and we happily abided, little did we know that those games and that time with you would become as precious to us as they have. We thought we would have all our time with you.
Grandma
Oscar’s grandad and I adored him. He could get his grandad to do anything and everything. After his grandad died, I started a tradition of taking the grandchildren to town on their birthdays for our own special time together. Knowing how energetic Oscar was, I thought he might start running around. He wasn’t one for holding hands. I told him he had to hold my hand or we would come straight home.
Aunties, uncles and cousins
Some of the strongest character traits the whole family have enjoyed with Oscar were his stubbornness and kindness. We would come to watch him play football and with his team winning he happily passed the ball to all the players drawing them in, but as the game drew towards a close and they seemed on a losing streak he decided to take matters in his own hands and continuously just dribbled the ball passed the opponents one by one jumping over their little feet to score again and again securing the win. Playing any game with Oscar was always a mixture of pure joy and competitiveness.
Another time he wanted to play ball in the street but was told no by Aunt Gitte upon which he sat down on the pavement refusing to move. However, he is not the only stubborn one in the family so she sat down next to him and waited for him to give up – the ‘Who will get up first war’ was rather amusing to passers-by in the village.
Or when he played water fight at Aunt Rikke’s house with his cousin Victor and they ran around soaking everything in their underpants – in fact Oscar preferred to live life in underpants even at pre-school, much to the joy of his teachers there who told stories of being unable to talk him into putting in more clothes.
At Uncle Mads’ house when we think of Oscar we always think of the ‘Bare Belly Club’ with Oscar, Seb, Laura and William. All 4 of them were so cute running around with their bare bellies in our summerhouse doing the gym class with Uncle Mads. But while the other three were just having fun and fooling around a bit, you could just tell that Oscar really listened to Uncle Mads when he told them how to do push-ups and sit-ups or run laps in the garden. It was then that the expression “A day without training is a day without meaning” arrived for the little gang.
Once when we made pizza, Uncle Mads had to have a lot of chilli on it. Oscar thought he should have that, too. He took a bite and denied that it was in any way strong, even though you could see he was struggling. So stubborn!
He adored his little cousin Ella and she was completely in love with him. We’re sure it would be like that today, too. It was so cute when he called her Ella Bella.
We often talk about the fact that he is missing around our dining table. Both when we are all together, but also when cousins are now sitting and having fun and laughing with each other. We imagine him here with his brown eyes and hearty laugh and slightly withdrawn style (just like William) humorously throwing in a very dry comment. Oscar we miss laughing with you.
Frankie, friend
One of my favorite memories with Oscar was helping Marie make her special coconut cake. We’d crack eggs, mix batter, and add chocolate on top, filling the kitchen with laughter. Every time I went to their house that cake brought us together, creating memories that still make me smile today.
We loved playing football together and I gave him my Dunnington football shirt and wrote on it: “To Oscar, Friends Forever”
Tom, Friend
I have many happy memories of Oscar, but more than that Oscar was one of the kindest and most resilient friends I have ever had. I can only hope to be half as kind and resilient as he was.
Marius, tennis coach
My earliest recollection of Oscar is as clear as if it happened just yesterday. I was managing an intense Saturday morning tennis match between Seb and Oscar at David Lloyd in York. Oscar’s relentless competitive spirit was unyielding, pushing Seb to his utmost limits.
Seb remained poised and dignified. Despite the defeat at the hands of his younger brother, who was about five-years-old at the time, Seb’s composure was unchanging and impressive. For a seven-year-old, he displayed a maturity beyond his years, hinting at the remarkable young man he was poised to become.
At that moment, I could have never envisioned what lay ahead for this beautiful young family.
Fast forward four years, I found myself standing at the crematorium, struggling to find the right words amidst a whirlwind of emotions as Oscar’s coffin entered draped in sports memorabilia. A life brimming with talent, vitality, and unbridled enthusiasm had been cut short.
Caroline, Headteacher
Oscar touched the hearts of all who knew him. He had a fantastic character, led a very active life and always put his heart and soul into everything he did. He excelled in sport: skilled, ambitious and competitive.
During his illness, he showed tremendous bravery and inspired us with his courage and determination to help others, even whilst enduring intense treatment himself.
Ten years may have passed but Oscar’s legacy lives on in our school and its community. The charity that bears his name nurtures courage and extends care and support to those facing similar challenges. The accolade of being awarded Oscar’s Cup in our annual sports day inspires many children to ‘be their very best’ and also, ‘run as fast as they can’, as Oscar always did!
You are often in my thoughts, Oscar and continue to bring a smile to my face.
Phil, teacher
Oscar first came on my radar during a school summer fair. It is supposed to be hard scoring past a 6ft5 teacher in child-size goals so I had three penalty spots – the closest being for children in Reception. I still recall vividly telling little 5-year-old Oscar he could take his penalties from the first spot and Marie saying, “Oh, you don’t want him to do that.” Thankfully they persuaded me because he nearly took my head off. I had no chance. He scored all his penalties and wandered off chuckling.
I remember him chuckling at me moaning at the fact he got to wear a Manchester United hat at school during treatment. Not about the headwear obviously as it gave him comfort after he had lost his hair, but about the sickening choice of football team. I think his reply was, “Tough.”
Just before his diagnosis, I was about to pick Oscar as a Y3 for his first school match. He was that good. It wasn’t to be. He never played for the school team. He had always talked with excitement about being in Mr. M’s team. I so wish he could have been. He would definitely have been the captain: he was respected by all who knew him, combined skill, power and drive with a caring and fun nature. I gave Ian a captain’s armband which said, “This should have been yours, Oscar” written on it. How I wish it had been and we had been given more time with him.
His charity has helped me cope better with the death of my own mum from a brain tumour. It is full of that power and care (and humour) that Oscar was known for. With him at the forefront of our minds, we help others in the time that they are affected by brain tumours. Time that we know is so very, very precious.
Sharon, family friend
Reflecting on Oscar always brings up a lot of emotions. I remember happy times we had before he was first diagnosed – the children playing on the beach in Gilleleje together, fun at a festival, family BBQs, and school sports days (always made more fun because of Ian and Oscar’s competitiveness).
During the difficult times while Oscar was ill, through his surgery, treatment and relapse, the memories that stand out are the happy times – taking him to enjoy his new-found love of fishing, helping him organise the marathon at school, the Halloween night he loved, the Danish Christmas parties, and when won his Child of the Year award.
After Oscar passed away, I had the privilege of helping to establish OSCAR’s charity. It was a significant decision, a way for us all to channel our grief to help other children and families facing the same challenges. His memory continues to guide us, reminds us why we started and the children and families that we’re doing this for.
It’s been ten years, but Oscar’s legacy remains as vibrant as ever. His spirit -and Milo’s and Ian’s too- continue to inspire us. When we set up the charity, we never thought it would be the success that it is today – employing a team of five people, funding game-changing research, providing tailored support for families, and educating the community about the signs and symptoms of paediatric brain tumours.
I think that Oscar would be in awe of the strength his family has shown over the last decade, and maybe a tiny bit embarrassed his pictures still appear in newspapers and on social media. Ultimately though, he’d be so proud to know that he continues to inspire so many people, and that his legacy continues to live on.
